Trouble in paradise? Be it size matters, erection problems or retention issues, there’s something available to help you get out of a sticky situation. Ever caught a dog reading ‘How to keep your bitch happy’? Obviously not, because dogs can’t read but we can! And that’s why…
we are getting bogged down by every ‘how to have your best sex ever’ article, new researches and new thingamajigs to boost your pleasures…
Want to make anything complicated? Give it to a man, er a human, that is. Look what we did once God created heaven, earth, light and all things bright and handed it over to Adam and Eve. You’d think that after biting the forbidden apple and Eve discovering Adam and Adam discovering Eve, they’d rest easy. But then why be comfortable, when you can be confused? So, while God in all his inherent good-naturedness asked Adam and Eve to fare forth and multiply, we obviously had to find new ways to make the whole ‘go forth and multiply’ deal more interesting.
So what do you get? Magazine articles on ‘21 ways to keep her sighing’ or ‘41 naughtiest things’ or ‘The G(old) Spot’. If you aren’t reading about that, you’re learning about the five aptest moments to moan, the best places she/he likes to be touched, not to mention the latest positions doing the rounds! If that’s not all, you are hit with studies and surveys that tell you all is not right in the urban Indian bedroom. And we aren’t talking spatial layouts!
Gone are the days when man married a virgin and didn’t worry. as he was the best a woman got. but now the woman tells him to brush up his skills. This causes him a lot stress. instead of stressing out, he should talk to his partner about her expectation.
– Prahlad kakkar
THE THORN BEDS
A study in 2014—the year Pfizer launched its magic blue pill in India—estimated that more than 90 million Indian men suffered from erectile dysfunction (ED) and that the number is growing. Well, ED can pretty much be countered through ‘magic’ pills and ‘realistic’ medication, but what if you’re just worrying overly, knotting yourself up into a ‘non-performer’ and that is what is causing ED? Think about it!
Perhaps that’s why the usually self-centred Indian male is getting a bad case of performance anxiety. Average victims: Young males, otherwise healthy and successful. Noted sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari comments to good effect, “Performance anxiety is more common than common cold but it can be treated with a little bit of common sense, which sadly is very uncommon!” Confirms psychologist Rakhi Anand who has witnessed a 15–20 per cent increase in cases of performance anxiety among men.
It’s the modern day hurry-and-worry syndrome. like everything in our lives, even sex is getting schedulrd. that creates performance pressure. -Dr Jitendra Nagpal
Take, for instance, the case of Rajiv Gosain*, a marketing executive in his early 30s. His bugbear: A wife who, after six years of marriage, demands more creativity in the bedroom. Hailing from Alwar, his wife Sandhya* transformed when she started working for a Delhi call centre. After her exposure to a liberal work environment and freewheeling coffee break discussions, Sandhya too demanded her satisfaction. But, for Rajiv, this pressure to keep up proved too much and, ironically, resulted in performance anxiety.
Rakhi notes that most men tend to go in denial and, like Rajiv, reach a stage where they are so anxious about their performance that they start avoiding sex altogether. Dr Rajiv Anand, psychiatrist and marriage counsellor, feels that anxiety attacks lie in the head. Since the man is still supposed to be the key driver of sex, he ends up bearing the burden of being the performer or non-performer, as the case may be! This, according to Dr Anand, is the root cause of performance anxiety, since this notion is based on mechanical action devoid of emotions and chemistry between partners. “Most people believe that sex is something to be done and for that there is the body, endowed with specific tools, which they must use to get or give sexual pleasure,” says Dr Anand.
Maxim’s editor Anup Kutty is hardly surprised that men are getting all bunched up. “With so many products, articles and surveys on sex, it’s just become larger than life. Expectations have sky-rocketed,” he notes.
I READ, THEREFORE I CAN’T
Ignorance is bliss, they say. But who chooses to stay ignorant now? All of us—thanks to very easy access to magazines, television shows and the WWW—can now be ‘certified’ experts in any field we choose, especially sex. Studies also prove that when it comes to seeking sexual advice, most of us are comfortable turning to peers, the People Like Us. But hey, they might be just as wellor mis-informed, right?
Software professional Sanjay Verma*, 29, knows this a bit too well. He was visiting the doc with a self- diagnosed case of ED, a small organ size and a huge case of performance anxiety. In other words, Sanjay’s confidence, in bed and otherwise, was shot. The doc found that the core of Sanjay’s problem was a whole lot of misinformation! The source: His young wife, an avid reader of pop surveys and sex columns. In her zeal to make their sex and love life as glossy as the glossies show, she was giving him advice on where he was going wrong. Turns out all her advice was pretty wrong!
Sexologist Dr Raj Brahmbhatt shakes his head at such pop sexology in print, on TV or over the Net. It tends to over-simplify matters. “Some individuals read up too much and start diagnosing their own ‘condition’ or that of their partners, based on what they have read, seen or heard from friends,” says he. Since everyone wants to and is talking about sex, it’s creating illusions and false expectations in people’s minds. Dr Anand mentions that most articles or tips published in the media are sadly misleading. “Most young people think that they need tricks to enjoy better sex and can learn these from an article or a web site,” he says. Gynaecologist Dr Shivani Sachdev feels it’s only natural that performance pressures are rising. “The jargonising of the sex act with positions, performance enhancers, etc. is not making it easier for anyone.” Call it classic capitalist propaganda where you first introduce a few problems, then a new research on it and then magic yet expensive cures. Voila! A burgeoning sex market that thrives on anxiety.