When a man reaches out to his wife by giving, this begins to replenish her energy. When you touch her without expectation that you will end up between the sheets, she will feel much more secure with you and much more open to sexual intimacy later on. But when you offer her touch that you think will move into the sexual intimacy zone, you could drain her spirit and put her into a negative mindset because if your wife is like most women, she spends her day meeting other people’s needs – giving, giving, and giving! This is tiring and draining for her. When her husband comes home and wants more from her she does not have anything to give. She is running on empty. And that means sex is not going to happen for some time. Your wife needs you to be a safe and nonthreatening place for her. Nonsexual touch refuels her energy and creates that place of safety. Yes, she really does want to meet your sexual needs, but she needs time to refuel. You can help her do that through tender affection without any hint of you wanting sexual intimacy.
Your wife needs your closeness, your nonsexual approach that communicates genuine caring. Here are 15 ways to show her you love her in a nonsexual way. I have taken these suggestions from Dr Gary and Barbara Rosberg’s book entitled The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women:
- Touch her arm or knee when : you talk with her. Your gentle touch communicates, “I am here…You are not alone…I enjoy you… I wll take care of you.”
- Make an effort to spend time alone together : go out for dinner, for a walk, or out for coffee. Show her (and others) that you enjoy the intimacy of being alone with her.
- Grab her hand and hold it when you are out in public.
- Give her a kiss and a hug when you leave and return home.
- Don’t see every complaint as an attack : Women think as long as they feel the marriage is working, they can talk about it. On the other hand, most men feel the relationship is not working if they have to talk about it. Allow her to express what is on her mind.
- Recognise her strong emotions as exclamation marks: When she is upset, angry, or frustrated, realise that these emotions are her way of letting you know how much the issue at hand matters to her. The Bible says that “love does not demand its own way.” You can love your wife by putting aside your own needs, by not demanding your own way, and by serving her through nonsexual touch.
This may require much discipline from you as a man. Maybe you are used to having your own way. Understand that for a woman great sex happens in the context of being held, laughing together, feeling accepted and sharing feelings.
Certainly, building a strong emotional connection through nonsexual affection is essential in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Here are some additional insights and tips to deepen your connection with your wife:
- Listen Actively: When your wife talks to you, give her your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone or the TV, and truly listen to what she has to say. This not only shows that you care about her thoughts and feelings but also fosters effective communication in your relationship.
- Compliment and Appreciate: Regularly express your admiration for her. Compliment her on her appearance, her accomplishments, and her efforts. Simple words of appreciation can go a long way in making her feel loved and valued.
- Surprise Acts of Kindness: Small, unexpected gestures of kindness can brighten her day. Leave a love note in her bag, surprise her with her favorite treat, or take on a task that she usually handles to give her a break. These acts of thoughtfulness show that you’re attentive to her needs and happiness.
- Respect Her Space: While spending quality time together is crucial, respecting her need for personal space is equally important. Allow her time to pursue her interests and spend time with her friends and family. A healthy balance between togetherness and individuality can strengthen your relationship.
- Apologize and Forgive: No one is perfect, and conflicts may arise in any relationship. Be willing to apologize when you make mistakes, and also be quick to forgive her when she does. Forgiveness and reconciliation are vital for maintaining a loving and harmonious partnership.
- Celebrate Milestones: Celebrate not only the big moments but also the small victories and milestones in your life together. Whether it’s an anniversary, a promotion at work, or simply a month of togetherness, take the time to acknowledge and celebrate these moments as a couple.
- Show Interest in Her Dreams: Ask her about her goals, dreams, and aspirations. Show genuine interest in what she wants to achieve in life, and offer your support and encouragement. Being her biggest cheerleader can make her feel cherished and motivated.
- Share Personal Goals and Dreams: Openly discussing your individual goals and dreams with each other can deepen your emotional connection. When you share your aspirations and desires, you invite your partner into your inner world, creating a sense of vulnerability and trust. Encourage each other in pursuing these goals and offer support and guidance along the way. By aligning your aspirations, you can work together towards a shared vision for your future, strengthening your bond as you navigate life’s journey hand in hand.
- Practice Gratitude Together: Incorporating gratitude into your daily routine can foster a more loving and appreciative relationship. Set aside time each day or week to express gratitude for one another and the positive aspects of your life together. It could be as simple as taking turns sharing three things you’re thankful for. This practice not only reminds you of the blessings in your relationship but also reinforces your appreciation for each other. Gratitude can help you focus on the positives, even during challenging times, and maintain a deeper emotional connection built on mutual appreciation and love.
Remember that every relationship is unique, and it’s essential to communicate openly with your wife about your feelings and needs as well. Building a strong emotional connection takes time, effort, and a commitment to nurturing the bond between you two. By prioritizing nonsexual affection and emotional intimacy, you can create a loving and fulfilling partnership that will stand the test of time.