One of the most common concerns we hear from men who have any kind of sexual dysfunction is worrying that their partner blames themselves and feels that they may be part of the problem. If a man has some type of sexual dysfunction (usually ED or low libido), the partner often thinks something like, “he is no longer sexually attracted to me”.
The reality is that sexual dysfunctions are medical issues inherent in medical conditions and are not a reflection of how a man feels about his partner.
As a partner, it can be very common A feeling of believing that sexual problems are somehow related to you. After all, having a good sex time has everything to do with you! It is very stressful when a sexual problem seems to come out of nowhere. Something must have changed – but what? The reality is that sexual dysfunctions are medical issues inherent in medical conditions and are not a reflection of how a man feels about his partner. Excitement does not equal an erection!
This is easy to see when we consider other medical issues. Partners do not feel responsible for heart disease, diabetes or arthritis. So, understanding sexual dysfunction means accepting that there is a medical condition causing it. Many partners inadvertently add to the anxiety and pressure if they ask the man if he is no longer attracted to them. Recognize that it is a medical problem that is beyond his control.
It’s also normal for a partner to help fix it. Too often, men resist help or even discuss the issue out of shame, humiliation, anger or frustration. Feelings of sexual failure are very powerful for many men and can make a man question his understanding of who he is. Some men may express anger – even with their partner. Most men withdraw emotionally, as every sexual thought reminds him of his failures.
Many partners do not understand why he or she will abstain from all sexual contact. Many women will say something like “We can do more – but he won’t do it either!” Too often, men find that even a little caress or a back massage will lead to sex which will immediately remind him of his failures. This reminder can be extremely painful; So many men find that the best coping technique is to avoid touch altogether.
We always encourage couples to keep in touch. Many men are overjoyed when their partner asks for a massage. The thought of giving a massage is usually a lot less pressing than the idea of having sex – even if the massage is sexual! We also encourage couples who are dealing with ED to stop trying to get an erection. Playing without an agenda or goal is usually the best way to have a good time while keeping performance expectations out of the picture.
While intercourse can be a challenge for some time, sex and intimacy should not be. Stay connected, be playful, be sensual. Let’s take care of the function!
Contact us for a free consultation to learn more about your sexual health.
The post For the Partners… first appeared on Treatment of Low-T, Erectile Dysfunction and Peyronie’s | Sexual health specialist.