Sexual attraction plays a major part in dating. Some people gauge their interest by whether they can look at a person within the first few minutes and want to have sex with them. Sex appeal is a complementary driving force. In this society, so much of our decisions about mate selection is attached to sex. But how can you have a relationship with someone who isn’t having sex?
Virgins are a miniscule minority in the singles population. I was unable to find an actual statistic for people who are still virgins; let alone women. Female virgins are so rare that when a man encounters one, it’s immediately viewed as a negative. When you find out a woman is a virgin, you have to make a decision about how you can keep your sexual attraction alive without actual intercourse. We’re conditioned to believe that you have to test out the merchandise before you make a real decision to pursue or pass. Many relationships are predicated on the two people having great sexual chemistry. It’s portrayed as impossible to qualify that measure with someone who’s holding out until marriage. However, there is some upside to dating a woman who is still a virgin.
For one, virgins remind you of the simplicity in dating. Men do so much to earn the privilege of sex with the women they’re dealing with. We often do everything at a high(er) level the more attractive a woman is. In the real world of dating, men often spend money to impress a woman for the sheer purpose of having sex with her and then taking “see what happens” approach. When you’re dealing with a virgin, they typically have the attitude that everything doesn’t have to be so extreme. Because sex isn’t their currency, they care more about a man’s character. They’re interested in getting to know the actual intricacies of who a man is. You can be your true self when you’re dating a virgin because she’s not interested in judging your sexual prowess.
Lust and temptation is how many people wind up stuck in bad relationships. Terms like “pu–y whipped” exist because a guy lets himself get caught up in the feeling of lust that he loses perspective on the definition of love. Lust will trick you into believing that you can love a person who is clearly bad for you. I’m not saying that virgins can’t be lusty. But they have a certain level or self-control and self-awareness that allows them to be slightly more clear-headed about matters of the heart. We all have been guilty of getting into a relationship with the wrong person. However, wouldn’t you rather have logical reasons for picking a bad partner than simply blaming it on “the sex was good”?
Lastly, there’s a misconception that virgins are prudes. We often equate a woman being a virgin to her being a complete novice to sex. Some even hold the antiquated views that virgins aren’t interested in sex as much as the rest of us are. That’s not necessarily true. I think adult virgins have the same type of curiosity that high schoolers have. They use Google and some may even watch porn. Virgins are no different than other women when it comes to wanting to be sexually desired or even teased. You shouldn’t have it in your mind that dating a virgin means you’re dating someone who is boring. If anything, you should look at the positive point that you don’t have the added pressure of wondering who else she’s sleeping (or has slept) with.
Whether men admit it or not, sex is an emotional attachment. Men of value aren’t just out here having sex with every available vagina. We are selective. When we’re dating someone new, we focus on making the right moves and saying the right things in order for her consent to sex. Even for men who pay for sex, it’s rooted in an emotional choice to go seek it out. At some point, sex as the ultimate goal becomes exhausting. A moment of clarity comes when you’ve had copious amount of sexual partners and there’s still a aspect of loneliness. Virgins don’t always experience this type of emptiness; mainly because a woman is confident in her decision to not share her body. Placing a higher value on individuality means not measuring self-worth by the ability to gather sexual experiences.
The older I get, the more I accept that sex isn’t the right qualifier on what makes someone a good partner. Virginity is viewed as something precious – a unique gift – that a woman can give to her husband. That’s a lot of pressure when a woman reveals to you that she’s waiting for marriage. Sure, you don’t want to marry someone who’s bad at sex nor do you want to be with someone to whom you have no sexual compatibility. It takes a lot of courage for a woman to tell a guy she likes that her love-below is off limits. That’s a type of rejection that’s tough to accept because no woman wants to be reduced to the accessibility of her private parts. Don’t be so quick to bail on a virgin though. Sometimes the person you don’t rush to have sex with is the person you’ll have the best sex with. When she’s ready.
