“Once again I caught him watching pornography and masturbating, he obviously has a porn addiction problem and needs to be cured of it. If not I just cannot stay married to him any longer!”
This is an all too common misconception in our society today about sexual addiction. The use of the word sexual addiction or pornography addiction is a loaded word. Understanding why a person may find pleasure in the sexual act and determines if it is right or wrong, or how frequent is subjective to each person and couple. Take for instance a married man that watches pornography and masturbates several times a week when he gets home from work. He and his wife made an agreement several years back, because she no longer desires sex, having lost that feeling, but see’s that her husband is still sexual. Would a person say that this man has a porn addiction? Take another scenario with a man who is married with three young kids and has sex with his wife maybe once a month if lucky. His wife catches him watching porn while masturbating and insists that he has a problem and needs to see a doctor for his pornography addiction. Does this man have an addiction or has the scenario just been adjusted?
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There is a woman in her 20’s who is single and enjoys sex with various men as a way to end her long work week. She is always safe using condoms and getting her checkups, would you consider this women to be a sex addict or a women who simply enjoys sex? We now look at a woman in her 40’s who just got out of a long term marriage where her husband left her for a man, admitting that after 15 years that he desires other men. The woman begins to feel good about herself again and wants to experience sex, since her and her husband rarely had sex over a 15 years of marriage. She goes out and meets some attractive men who find her attractive, and she spends the next 3 years enjoying her sexual adventures. Some may say this woman has a sexual addiction, but in reality, is she not just enjoying her sexuality or desires?
The reason why sexual addiction is so hard to understand and is a loaded word is that sexuality is unique to each person and what one person finds acceptable, another may not.
How does one define sexual addiction as opposed to sexual desire?
An addiction is something that causes harm to a person. They feel they have no control over it, affects others around them negatively, endangers their lives, and can financially bankrupt them. Like all addictions, over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results. …………Sexual addiction is different than sexual desire. Sexual desire is something that turns a person on, makes them feel good, they want to do over and over again, can drive them, something they cannot change or do away with, can affect their relationship negatively or positively? People who differ in sexual desire with their spouse/partner interest or frequency often times are labeled as having a sexual addiction.
Is it healthy to act on all sexual desires? The answer is no, if a person breaks the law, hurts themselves in a bad way or someone else, then it is not healthy to act on those sexual desires Can a person fantasize about their sexual desires without acting on them? The answer is yes, a fantasy is a fantasy. Trying to change a person’s desires is not possible, but understanding them, enjoying them and managing them, may be the solution.
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Relationship dissatisfaction has been linked to male sexual difficulties
With some men when they are not satisfied in their relationship it can lead to sexual dysfunction. For other men sexual dysfunction can lead to their partner not being satisfied and that can lead to a man having a lack of desire. Research has documented that men with sexual problems are significantly less satisfied sexually than men without sexual problems are. These findings relate to men with erectile difficulties (Matic, 2005; Swindle, Cameron, Lockhart & Rosen, 2004) In addition, a review of literature on men with delayed ejaculation have high levels of sexual dissatisfaction (Perelman &Rowland, 2006).
Most men at some point in their lives will experience some sexual difficulties, either not being able to maintain an erection, early ejaculation or unable to ejaculate, which is normal. Prolonged problems in this area is what is referred to as a sexual dysfunction. One common problem that may occur is when a man at some point in his life has had difficulties with sexual function due to a stressful event, health related issue, or relationship stress and then it turns into performance problems. This may happen due to a partner being upset with his lack of performance, not understanding it is normal once in a while and causing him more anxiety or even the man himself putting pressure on his own ability to perform sexually. Most men and women are not aware of the fact that there are times that a man has no control over his penis function. Once a man gets anxious his blood vessels constrict and eliminate blood flow to his penis causing it to either not get erect at all or become flaccid, it can also cause delayed ejaculation.
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When a man is satisfied with his relationship, he is usually satisfied with his sexual performance as well as his partner is satisfied sexually with him. The biggest level of partner disaffection in relationship was with men that had premature ejaculation. As demonstrated by Revicki and colleagues (2008), it is likely that men with premature ejaculation report higher levels of partner frustration, anger, or disappointment, given that men who have premature ejaculation have a negative connotation of being selfish (Masters & Johnson, 1970) It may also be the case that a poor relationship leads to premature ejaculation.
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In conclusion sexual satisfaction relies heavily on a male’s sexual performance as well as his partner’s sexual satisfaction with him. When a man is not able to perform sexually or satisfy his parent sexually it can lead to low desire and even lack of desire. The positive aspect of this is that with most men it can be resolved and is not a medical condition. With the right information and help with a professional who treats sexual problems a man can regain full sexual function again. When a man has a sexual problem in a relationship it is important to include his partner in the process, so that both can learn how to help each other maintain a healthy sex life.
