7 ways to SEXperiment

7 ways to SEXperiment

No longer is sex taboo nor does it carry all the societal stigma that it once use to. From television shows to movies, radio and video, people are increasingly becoming more in tune with their sexuality and opening up about their sexual desires. Bored with “traditional” sex scripts and roles, people are deciding to step outside the boundaries of “regular” sex and opting for something a little more exciting and even risqué. Tapping into your sexuality and exploring your sexual desires can be a very pleasurable and invigorating experience. So if you’re ready to turn it up a notch and unleash the sexual beast within, here are 7 ways to sexperiment to help keep your sex life fresh and interesting!

  1. Sexual Preferences. Whether you consider yourself to be bisexual, heteroflexible, heterocurious, questioning, just plain ole curious or none of the above, there is fluidity in sexuality. According to Alfred Kinsey, the famous sex researcher, very few of us lie at polar opposites on the sexual continuum from heterosexual to homosexual but rather somewhere in between. Kinsey also goes on to suggest that based on a variety of activities, individuals may move back and forth on the continuum. So based on that theory, there is a natural inclination to “experiment” with ones sexual preferences. Should you decide to experiment with your sexual preferences, make sure you are always honest with yourself and any potential partners.
  2. Positions. In and out, up and down can get pretty boring after a while. Let’s face it the same old missionary position can become monotonous so many people desire to liven things up by “experimenting” with positions. Kama Sutra is one of the most famous manuals that depicts a variety of usual and even unusual sexual positions with interesting names such as “The Glowing Universe.” Talking about seeing stars! Although many of the positions require Olympic standard flexibility, the fun of it all is just trying new positions!
  3. Ménage a trios. Proceed with extreme caution! The thought of inviting a third person into your sex play might sound like a great ideal but there are some things to consider before “experimenting” with a ménage. It’s definitely not for the faint at heart! Honesty, trust, communication and caution are just a few things that will help keep this dream from turning into a nightmare. Including a third person between the sheets must be something that all parties willingly negotiate, agree to and are involved in throughout the entire process. If one person in the trio becomes uncomfortable, then do not continue until all parties involved are comfortable and in agreement. No one should be coerced or tricked into participating in a “threesome.” It is important to keep in mind that having a ménage a trois will not solidify or repair a troubled relationship. In most cases, it will have the exact opposite effect and ultimately cause more harm to your relationship. Also, if either you or your partners are prone to jealousy, then a ménage is NOT for you.
  4. Role play. A role play can be a fun and flirty way to add some excitement to your sexual script! Create the fantasy and act it out! You are only limited by your imagination. “Experiment” with a variety of costumes, scenarios and locations. A naughty school girl can make the boring house wife or busy career woman seem like a brand new woman to her Beloved. FYI, men you can get in to character too! The handy man always fixes a thing or two and the pizza delivery guy knows exactly what to deliver!
  5. Sex Toys. Who says toys are just for kids?! Well put your money where your mouth is because there is a billion dollar industry, devoted to creating toys just for adults, that says so! From vibrators to dildos, anal beads to sex swings and machines, “experimenting” with sex toys can be just what the doctor ordered to help spice up your sex life. With so many adult novelties on the market, one could literally create the playground of their dreams! If you want to get really creative, you can actually make your own sex toys by using common items found around your house. That old hairbrush in your bathroom drawer can now become a whip to tame your lover.
  6. Kink. 50 Shades of Grey introduced “kinky sex” to the masses and now it has become mainstream, making it the “in thing.” Flocks of people are rushing out to their local adult novelty store to pick up a grey tie, a pair of hair cuffs and a crop in an effort to imitate the infamous Christian Grey. But before you go all in on the great BDSM “experiment,” it is very important that you understand the rules of “play” and have a safe word and/or signal just in case things become too intense. Remember the golden rule when it comes to kink is to keep it safe, sane and consensual. Never engage in any BDSM activities with someone that you have not established a trusting relationship with.
  7. Sensory deprivation. Blindfold, tie me up and gag me! Take away one of the senses and the others will heighten. Falling under the umbrella of kink, sensory deprivation is a way to increase sexual arousal and intensify the orgasmic experience by depriving one or more of the senses. Warning! You must be very careful when “experimenting” with sensory deprivation because you could really hurt yourself or someone else, especially in the case of erotic asphyxiation. Sensory deprivation is not for everyone so before you begin restraining or pouring hot candle wax on your Beloved, you should definitely have a conversation with him or her. The use of a safe word or signal is important in any sensory deprivation play.

While exciting as it may be, sexperimenting does not come without some varying degree of risk. There are still some things to consider when deciding to experiment with sex. Some things to keep in mind are:

  • Practice safer sex, especially with multiple partners or non committed relationships. This helps to reduce the risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancy.
  • Consider the emotional, physical, social, spiritual, legal and economical consequences of sex. Although one can never be thoroughly prepared at least take into consideration what can happen.
  • Bruises and marks. Sexperimenting, particularly with kink, can sometimes leave bruises and marks on the body. Trust me, you do not want to have to wear a long sleeve shirt in the middle of summer or risk explaining to your coworkers why you have handcuff marks on your wrist!

Sexperimenting can be extremely fun but just how far you decide to take it is really up to you (and your partner). You can choose to jump right in or just simply ease your way into the “sex lab.” Whatever you decide, it is important to always be open and honest with yourself and others as this will help to minimize risk of injury and hurt to all involved. If all things have been considered, discussed and agreed upon then you are all ready to go!

Happy sexperimenting!


Starving a Spouse from Intimate Sex can Destroy a Marriage

Quality of intimate sex that leads to orgasm far out weights how many times a person just has sex to do it!

Having sex with a spouse for the sake of just doing it, as a duty, a chore or for a quick release, in a long term monogamous marriage will eventually lead to dissatisfaction, cheating and divorce. As couples grow older together, often times the sex in the marriage becomes boring to the point where the couple is no longer that interested. In the past where youthful hormones and passion just took over, as couples stay in long term marriages the sex has to continue to be satisfying.

Many studies suggest that having regular sex can be good for a persons health, but the reality is sex without orgasm or sex out of duty can have the opposite effect.

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A report done in 1976 in Psychosomatic Medicine concluded that an inability to reach orgasm may have a negative impact on women’s hearts.

“A Swedish study found increased risk of death in men who gave up sexual intercourse earlier in life. The research was done on four hundred elderly men and women. At age seventy they were given a survey of their sexual activity and then followed over time. Five years later the death rates were significant higher among men who ceased sexual activity at earlier ages. (Quoted from Dr. Daniel G. Amen, M.D. In his book The Brain in Love)”

For both men and women the health benefits of having intimate, satisfying sex is what relieves stress and creates the loving connection that keeps the couple bonded and coming back for more. For many couples that have unsatisfying sex it can have the opposite effect, causing frustration, loneliness, not feeling good about oneself and unable to release the powerful hormones that produce the loving feelings towards one another.

For some women they can be in marriages where sex causes frustration and lack of desire if they are unable to have an orgasm, or have hormone issues where they don’t get aroused before intercourse. Why would a person want to have repeated sex without orgasms year after year? Unfortunately both men and women don’t take this into consideration. For a man not having an orgasm for years he would find unimaginable, yet many women are faced with this in their marriage for years……

For some men as they age their desire for sex can decrease as well, with having to ask for sex from their wives, or the sex is no longer exciting. Perhaps his wife is not having orgasms and he feels that he cannot please her anymore. For many men that reach their 40’s and 50’s it takes more mental stimulation to get an erection and keep one. This is no different then what women experience most of the time, and that is the mental stimulation before intercourse. The ability to arouse the mind before even getting into the act of sex and that the sex be intimate sex. Anyone can engage in “sex” but having the connection of intimate sex is what bonds the couple together.

The solution to the sex starved marriage is to be proactive, and get help before it becomes too late. Talk about it with a with ways to improve the intimacy in the marriage. One way to get started is with sensual massage, without the pressure of intercourse, touching and learning about each others bodies again. Another solution is making the time to have more intimate sex rather than hurrying to get it over with.

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Take the 6 week challenge to have more fulfilling sex in your marriage!

Can you imagine a marriage filled with passion, love, friendship, intimacy, sex, vigor, vitality?

All you have to do is take the 6 week challenge.

What is the catch?

There is one, you both have to want to do it!

You both have to be committed to the process, and put your marriage first!

Is this really possible you may be wondering?

Yes it is possible, and I have helped many couples have deeper intimacy in their relationship, passion and fun, through intimacy counseling!

This is the sex education that you wish you learned in school. Couples learn about their bodies, in a new way, as the body ages, sex, sexuality and drive change as well. Where men want it all the time in their 20’s and 30’s, as they age, it becomes the quality not the quantity, they crave the intimacy with their wives, the variety, the fun, but they don’t know how to get it. Women often times just have sex to get it over with, or feel like it is a chore, perhaps they enjoy it but not like they used too or they really want it but don’t know how to tell their husbands what they need. Believe it or not women have been wanting intimate sex for years, and most have given up by the time their husbands decide that they want it…….Why does this happen to so many couples over time?

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Mother Nature takes over, and deals her deck of cards with no rules or instructions, so what couples did in their 20’s they are attempting to do in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and 80’s!!!!! Yes even couples in the later years can have amazing passion for each other, if they only knew how…

We go to doctors to heal us from injuries, illness, diseases, cancer, disabilities, but after the treatment is done, we are left with, an unsatisfying sex life, confusion, told to go to therapy or to just get over it…..wrong! My motto is everyone deserves to have a healthy sex life! Intimacy counseling teaches couples how to have intimate sex with each other in a new way….

Welcome to the future of great passionate sex, where you go to a session and have fun, learn about the body, arousal, desire, how to have a connection with each other again. There is no pressure to perform or get it right, it is about letting go and enjoying each other, learning about each other, touching, kissing, and finding new erotic zones, with fun home assignments.

Look around and you will see some of your friends who may be acting more loving towards each other, or still have that passion, and you wonder why?